Well, ’tis very nearly the season to be jolly. Cakes are baked, turkeys the world-over are nervously awaiting the chop, and Mother-dearest’s pile of presents under the bed is growing steadily bigger:
‘Tis the fortnight before Christmas, and all through the house, not a boyfriend is stirring, not even a spouse …
We do try, here at Big Cup Little Cup, not to resort to gender stereotypes but there is, let us say, a certain indecisiveness amongst the poor opposite sex when it comes to the purchasing of Christmas presents. Charley’s father, for example, has historically left this buying of the all-important wifely gift until … Christmas Eve. When, after realising that he had not got his lovely wife a gift yet, there would arise SUCH a clatter, that his daughters would spring from their beds to see what was the matter. Then – the ritual Christmas Eve trip to Barkers Department store – to panic-buy some perfume, or Clinique, or a plate …
So we’re here, a good fortnight in advance of the Christmas-Eve-Alarum, to offer some solid advice for clueless males. Should you be desiring to buy your sweetheart the gift that keeps on giving (back to you, that is), then settle back, grab a cuppa, take a chill pill, and peruse our guidelines to gifting lingerie.
1. Don’t go overboard by going…under-board, so to speak.
Leave the realm of crotchless/bondage/nipple-revealing type lingerie for another occasion. Firstly, that’s going to be a pretty mortifying present to unwrap in front of the gathered relatives of Christmas day, and secondly, unless she has stated an interest in such styles, it’s going to upset her. I.e. – this gift will translate, in her head, as ‘Here darling – have a pair of PVC crotchless undies, because I don’t find you attractive in your ordinary underwear. And you certainly don’t satisfy me sexually.’
It may not make sense, but honestly, you may as well have just written exactly that on the gift tag …
2. Don’t guess the size. Now is not the time for confidence.
If, having identified the perfect set, you are suddenly struck by insecurity (was she a 10? Or a 12? She was an 8 back in Uni, but that was a few years ago now, and she has been complaining recently that her bum has been getting bigger … ) STOP. JUST STOP RIGHT THERE. Don’t even try and guess; that road leads to ruin. Too big? You’re calling her fat. Too small? She’ll feel fat. Bras are even worse having two different measurements: the band and the cup. Yes, she might have big boobs, but that doesn’t mean you should be looking at the bigger numbers, in fact quite the contrary sometimes.
So no guesses; take a deep breath, explain your quandary to a kindly shop assistant who may put a couple of sizes aside for you, then run home and check. We’re certainly not condoning snooping through her underwear drawer, but snoop through her underwear drawer. There’s nothing for it.
3. Buy a box and do it properly.
Even if you bought her lingerie from a bog standard high-street shop that simply bunged it in a plastic bag and thrust it into your sweaty hands, wrap it up properly. Never underestimate the power of packaging. Buy a small, stylish box, a chuff-load of tissue paper, and maybe even a ribbon of two. If you’re particularly macho and embarrassed of making such a sweet effort, you can always just say they did it in the shop for you. But dressing up the lingerie post-purchase will make it look thoughtful, classy, and elegant. Think Marilyn Monroe receiving a present of lingerie on Christmas day, versus Jordan getting some knickers under the Christmas tree. It could be exactly the same set, but that finishing touch will make all the difference.
4. Having bought a box, now think outside of it…
If you want to go the extra-lingerie-mile, you could even make a day of it. If she’s not the kind of gal who has a trunk load of bras and talks constantly about bra-sizing then she may not have been properly fitted in a long time. In this instance, you can always buy her a beautiful pair of pants from the shop of your choice, do the fancy-pants wrapping thing (see what I did there? Sorry, couldn’t resist), then make a little voucher, promising her a day out with a champagne lunch followed by a trip to get fitted and the thereafter perfectly proportioned and coordinating bra to complete the present.
Reputable brassiere-merchants who provide a fitting service worthy of your lovely lass:
Rigby & Peller
Our recommendations for lust-worthy lingerie of the festive season:
For the humble shopper
Rosie for Autograph at M&S – Bra: £25/Briefs: £12.50
Curvy Kate Tease Me Scarlet at Very.co.uk – Bra: £29/Briefs: £15
ASOS Boudoir Lace Balconette Bra £20/Thong £10
Looking for something a bit fancy
Freya Ooh La La Body at House of Fraser – Was £50, now £40
Bringing out the big guns!
Ann Summers Queenie Corset – Was £80, now £60